On a Thursday
by TroubledFred
Summary: Everything goes to hell on a Thursday. Thanks to Manticore with providing them with an eidetic memory because Alec remembers the first moments clearly and perfectly.
1. Chapter 1

Everything goes to hell on a Thursday.

Thanks to Manticore providing them with an eidetic memory Alec remembers the first moments clearly and perfectly.

It was a bright sunny day which clashes with the typical doom and gloom Seattle usually offers. Alec remembers tilting his head back and closing his eyes letting the warm rays hit his skin in a moment he doesn't get to have all too often. He hears Joshua's voice in front of him and he 'hmms' and nods in the appropriate places. They were waiting for Max, who had gotten caught up on a video call with Logan. This was a typical Thursday for the three of them, the only day of respite, since the formation of T.C. and the flag-raising, that they were able to spend time together, Just the three of them.

Big fella, medium fella, and little fella.

A slight bang and a splash of warm liquid hits Alec's face and he flinches at the unexpected sensation.

Opening his eyes, it takes him a couple of seconds to focus and when he does, he knows that every Thursday for the rest of his life this picture will be the absolute first thing that comes to his mind when he awakes in the morning.

He looks up slightly expects to be looking into Joshua's eyes, but he can't look into Joshua's eyes because one of Joshua's eyes is no longer in his _head_. Instead, there is a gaping hole spewing blood, skull and brain matter. Joshua starts to tip towards him, and to Alec, it almost feels like slow motion.

Alec actually doesn't remember too much after that besides catching Joshua and somehow getting him down the stairs and off of the roof they were perched on. He kind of remembers clutching the big guy (_big fella)_ to his chest, he doesn't remember his high-pitched whine or the growls and snarling to anyone that comes remotely close to their location. He hears people telling him to calm down, to let go of Joshua, but he doesn't, fighting and biting anyone who comes near.

His instincts, the only thing that seems to come through at this moment in time, are telling him that his friend, a member of his unit, his _pack_ is down.

_Protect, protect, protect._ Keeps chanting in his head and he can't make it stop.

He will be told this later because he doesn't remember (eidetic memory be damned and curses that he can remember Joshua's bloodied, gnarled face with all its details but not _this_), that Mole (cigar smoke, gun oil, leather, and _unit, pack_) is the only person who is able to touch him, able to get close enough to pry his fingers from Joshua's clothes. Another high pitch whine comes from someone that is not him (Leather, lavender, _Max?)_ but he doesn't register it, instead clinging to Mole letting him lead him away from _friend, unit, pack_.

He doesn't remember the walk to his apartment (mostly carried, _leather_), doesn't remember opening his front door (because he didn't, _gun oil_) doesn't remember walking to the shower or cleaning himself (because he didn't, _cigar smoke)_. When he comes to, he's lying on his bed by himself, with heavy eyes and a pounding headache.

He gets up and everything is automatic, he doesn't eat, doesn't drink just heads to command, because that's what he usually does on a Friday right?

Entering command, a hush falls over the room, except Max is yelling at Mole at the top of her lungs and it almost feels normal. It's not normal though. Eyes are skittering themselves all over his body and he wants to snarl but stops himself.

Max is berating Mole in the center of command, what's new, and when he comes into her view, she pushes him aside and stomps herself angrily in his direction.

He doesn't have the energy to smirk, he doesn't do anything but stare apathetically at her approach, at her tear-stained face, at her fists as it hits him in his face. She's yelling at him, hitting him and he stands and takes it. Screw up, idiot, worthless, are just some of the vile that she is spewing.

A part of him knows that Max is grieving. This is why he doesn't defend himself, doesn't stop her from hitting him with her genetically enhanced fists. He hears Mole roaring at her, telling her to stop, threatening her.

"It's your fault he's dead!" is the last thing he hears before he pushes her away roughly, catching her off guard.

"I know!" he shouts before turning around and walking back towards his apartment.

He feels sick, but he pushes that down because manticore made them perfect and he doesn't get sick.

Anger manifests in his chest instead and he welcomes the feeling. He starts to break everything in his apartment, tearing things apart with his bare hands. Roaring at the air, snarling at everything and anything. He doesn't stop until everything is destroyed but then realizes there is still one more thing he needs to break and that is himself.

Over and over again he drives his fists into walls, counters, cabinets until they are a bloodied mess and even then, he doesn't stop.

He doesn't realize that he had started a mantra of 'my fault, my fault, my fault' until someone comes in and grabs his fists. A gentle soothing low vibration of a voice is telling him that it is not his fault. That he didn't do it.

_Starch, tomato, sadness_ is dripping off the body of the person who is holding him, and reflection of the light from the open door on the persons' glasses clues him in that this is Logan. If he had been thinking rationally, he would have been surprised. Logan hates him for taking Max away, hates him and looks down on him. This is of course because of a lie. Alec doesn't hate Logan, he thinks the guy is boring and ordinary, but he doesn't hate him. Alec does want to push him away, but he doesn't. Instead, he clings and cries and trembles listening as the older man tries to calm him down. Tries to comfort him.

Snot is clogging his nose, and it's becoming harder and harder to gulp down air, but Logan doesn't leave, and Alec doesn't let go.


	2. Chapter 2

It's Saturday and once again Alec wakes up with no recollection of how he got there, maybe if he had emotions (Keep them down and hidden, soldiers don't have emotions, can't afford them) he would have been worried that this is the second day in a row that he doesn't remember going to bed. His hands are bandaged, and there is only a slight pain when he tries to move his fingers, but Alec doesn't get up, instead, he lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. He only blinks when his eyes start to water and burn. It becomes a game of sorts to see how long he can go without blinking.

When the sun goes down, and his room is pitch black Alec closes his eyes.

He wakes up and does the same thing on Sunday.

He awakens to a knock on his door Monday. His body protests against the movement when he gets up from his bed. He ignores the mess of his apartment, heading straight to the door. He knows who it is before he opens and greets Mole with a 'hey' before letting the transhuman in.

Mole doesn't look surprised at the state of his apartment, he just turns around and clears his throat.

"The almighty general bitch has gone M.I.A" He states and once upon of time Alec would have defended Max, instead Alec nodded and motioned for him to continue. "Command needs someone there, needs one of their _leaders_ to make an appearance," they both know that Mole could easily handle command, could easily delegate and lead but it's more than that. T.C. needs to know that they won't be abandoned when things get tough, when there's a casualty (not a casualty, a _friend, unit, pack)_.

Alec nods again and doesn't ask about Max.

"Give me ten minutes." is all he says. Mole nods, looks at him with a clinical eye, only stopping slightly at his bandaged hands before walking out his door.

He arrives within seven minutes. He takes a deep breath outside of the door before he walks in ready to lead. There's a moment of palpable relief in the air before things seem to set itself back to normal.

Max returns on Thursday. She doesn't say anything, and neither does he. There is no nod of acknowledgment, no looks of apology, no brush of shared comfort. She asks for a report and he gives it and there is Joshua sized gap between them that they will never be able to close.

He thinks that's the day that their friendship ends.


	3. Chapter 3

It's that Friday where his friendship with Logan begins. After a particularly tense meeting where Max had turned down every single one of his ideas, the meeting is adjourned. He makes his way to his office, a small room that he had moved to when Max had returned on the other side of command. It's the room the farthest from her office, his previous one, the one they shared.

Steps follow behind him, they are louder than a transgenics but not quite as heavy as a transhuman. Logan, he knows.

For a second, he almost speeds up to get in his office and close the door in the ordinary's face but thinks twice. Logan had helped him out, so Alec will do this one favor of allowing the guy to step freely into his office. He makes his way to his desk and prepares himself for Logan's defense of Max.

He watches out of green and gold-flecked eyes as Logan sighs and sits in the uncomfortable chair across from him. He waits for the inevitable, the 'she didn't mean it', 'she is grieving', ' she is under a lot of stress', but it seems that now since Alec is no longer Logan's competition the other man has made up his mind about the male transgenic.

"She shouldn't take it all out on you." Is what comes out of the blond man's mouth and Alec blinks because while he could think of probabilities and statistics of what would have come out of the older man's mouth that would have been next to zero. Alec stays silent a strategy he uses (rarely before Joshua's..._yeah)_ when he needs to get more information to assess the situation. Logan takes the silence as a reason to continue. "It's not your fault." He makes sure to look into Alec's eyes as he says this, a way an ordinary would convey their honestly (the opposite way a transgenic would, because transgenics aren't used to telling the truth) "It's no one's fault but the people who did this"

Alec agrees and when he finds out who did this, he would make sure they realized how stupid they were for even thinking about targeting Joshua. Death would be too kind.

"She's grieving." is what Alec says and he almost smiles because apparently their roles have been switched and it's all wrong.

"She's not doing it right," Logan responds, and Alec almost asks what is the right way to grieve but thinks that he must be doing it right if Logan is here in his office rather than with the love of his life, so instead Alec shrugs. They talk about supplies and plans for an hour before an X6 that Alec thinks is called Hex comes in looking for Logan, Max had finally come calling.

A week passes and it's Friday again. The week has been full of bullshit and Max grieving improperly and everyone is either mad or sad and Alec wants to explode. Once again, the meeting is adjourned with Max snapping at everyone and Alec taking the brunt of it. He stalks his way to his office and is slightly surprised in his anger to see Logan follow. He once again allows it because he saw the narrowing of Max's eyes and her frown and it makes Alec feel like he's _winning_.

What the game is he doesn't know.

Logan starts by asking him how he is and Alec answers with a non-answer. They then talk for an hour, before once again they are interrupted with a message asking for Logan. Alec almost tells the X6 that Max needs to come down herself, but he stops himself because in truth Alec wants Max to stay away.

It continues for two more Fridays before he snaps at Max. She had been tearing him down again because a mission he did not plan went sideways and the guy who did plan it has had his innards splattered in a warehouse by White and his familiars. It was an ambush apparently one he should have known about (he counters that by saying that he didn't work in psyops and he wasn't psychic) which had her in his face and yelling.

"It was you who should have died not Joshua! Josh should be here right now, and it should have been your brains shot out on that roof!" Everyone is silent after she says it, and he can see the moment she realized that she had gone too far, but Max is too proud and too stubborn to take it back.

He almost shouts 'I know' almost tells her 'you're right' but two other words come out of his mouth instead.

"I'm done." he turns around then, not going to his office but rather outside of command. He wanders for a bit wondering if he should leave T.C. behind but then he remembers that his picture is just as widely circulated as Max's picture is and White has a personal vendetta against him as well. He tries to remind himself that he was made for stealth, made for blending in, made to be alone but doesn't feel the pull to leave.

Instead, he walks back to his broken mess of an apartment. Logan and Mole are waiting outside glaring at each other but stop when they see him approach.

Mole grumbles calls Max names and threatens her bodily harm. Logan just stays quiet only says that she was wrong. He wonders what Joshua would have done, but pushes the thought away just as fast as came.

He looks at the ordinary and transhuman and feels grateful at the fact that he can call them friends. Logan keeps showing up on Fridays to talk.


	4. Chapter 4

Saturday is spent half-heartedly cleaning his apartment. Mostly everything is broken, so it's just a repetition of him walking up and down the stairs throwing things in a pile for some scavengers to poke through.

Sunday, he goes about trying to procure some furniture. He feels starts to feel guilty because T.C. didn't have a lot to start with and he had stupidly gone on a rampage when he knew that a third of the people still share a bed because there isn't enough to go around.

Monday, he decides to join the group in charge of supplies. The current supply commander, an X5 known as Royce who is a stocky brown-haired transgenic with a slightly crooked nose (a break that was not set properly), sees him and immediately hands over command. He tries to explain to him that he wasn't there to demote him only to help but it falls on deaf ears. He is still seen as one half of a pair of leaders and knows that people are going to see him that way whether he wants them to or not.

By Tuesday he has a routine down.

Royce is still the one that goes to the command meetings because Alec refuses to go back but he reports back to Alec. Alec doesn't ask about Max, and Royce doesn't let anything slip and for that he is grateful. He allocates supplies and delegates orders as needed. Besides him and Royce there are only two more in their group. A female X5 with short red hair named Gidget and a transhuman with rat-like features named Rake. Rake likes to scavenge, and Alec is surprised at the stuff he procures. Gidget likes to make and fix things. She is extremely good at it, and most of the time she makes things better than how they were.

Wednesday Alec wakes up and wonders the 'what ifs'. What if Max never got caught, what if Manticore didn't burn down, what if he never met Rachel, what if Joshua never died. It's the last one that he lets himself dwell on because he thinks he knows the answer.

Had Joshua stayed alive, he and Max would still be friends, would still be leading a city together and he would have most likely had fallen in love with her (he was already half in love with her when she kicked him during their first meeting). It would have been unrequited (maybe) but it would have happened. Joshua would still be painting and serving them mac and cheese with cut-up hot dogs and no one would have been able to imagine him not being there to offer his deep wisdom in his child-like speech. Logan would still hate him, and Alec would have never known how witty the blond ordinary actually was. Mole wouldn't be as protective as he was towards Alec instead, he'd chew on his cigar silently with a smirk as he watched Alec and Max go back and forth like always.

Alec sighs and gets up.

A week later he awakens to Max pounding on his door. He knows who it is because she's the only one he knows who can make a knock sounds ominous.

He opens the door with no greeting, merely steps aside.

She apologizes, and it's sincere.

She asks him to come back to help her lead again.

He knows she has been having a hard time, no one listens to her like they used to and he knows Mole is fighting her on every decision she makes just because he can.

He agrees. Not for her, but for T.C. because he's finally found something (not someone, the distinction is important) he cares about.

They stand in silence after he agrees, and she stands and waits. Almost as if she is waiting for something.

It gives him time to observe her.

Max has dark bags under her eyes, oily hair, and she is so tense that he thinks if he poked her she would shatter. He wants to ask her how she is, wants to tell her she needs to do something or she's going to grieve herself to death, wants to give her a hug.

He doesn't do any of those things, because he's no longer able to do it. Instead he silently stares at her until Max shakes her head and leaves.

He doesn't think anyone won this time.

He gets dressed, stops by to tell Royce he's in charge once again and heads to command.

Max is nicer towards him (but not nice) and actually listens to the group. Alec heads back toward his little office and gets to work.

He still isn't friends with Max, but they are able to tolerate each other now.


	5. Chapter 5

It's a Tuesday when he reads her designation.

X5-453 Sam.

Everyday there are new transgenics filing in, and a X4 name Silkie writes down their designations and their names and it is given to Dix who inputs it into their system. They need to keep track of the numbers so they can make sure supplies are adequate. The list then gets given to Alex who places them on a list for housing. He also takes the number of transgenics and cross references them with the number of supplies. Alec then sends the list to Max with his recommendations. Max is usually the one that likes to delegate who does what. Max and Alec take turns interviewing new additions to see what they need, and where they can help and to help them come up with names if needed.

It didn't used to be like this, Alec and Max used to go over the list together with Joshua hovering offering his own feedback about any transhuman's that arrived. It was simple and easy.

Not anymore it seems.

He frowns because last time he checked Sam was in Canada with her husband and son.

He gets up and heads to Max's office (the first time since Joshua). He knocked on the door (something he never usually does). She tells him to come in and he takes a breath before pushing her door open.

Her office looks exactly the same except there's a spot opposite her where his desk used to be that's empty.

Wordlessly he hands her the list pointing at the name. Her brow furrows, her eyes narrow, and she lifts her head, mouth opening to ask a question, but he answers before she can.

"I don't know"

"Well let's go see."

He walks besides Max (it's weird and they don't talk) to a large building that used to be a school gym but now houses newcomers.

Alec spots her immediately, and with the way he feels Max stiffen knows that she does too. He's already noting the differences between Max and Sam, but refusing to list them because they are their own people (he thinks of Ben and himself)

She rolls her eyes when she sees them but makes her way over, face an impenetrable blank mask.

"Surprised to see me?" Is how she greets them and Alec notes a slight almost unnoticeable rasp to her voice that Max doesn't have. Max answers but he stays quiet which causes Sam to examine him.

"Let's go somewhere to talk"

They end up in Max's office and he feels a tad bit jumpy wishing that he had just handed the list off to Hex instead of bringing it himself.

"Why are you here?" He almost snorts at Max's lack of tact, Sam does snort.

"Getting right to it I see" Sam explains that her husband had left her, he feared for the safety of his son and was too freaked out at the differences that transgenics had to ordinaries.

"Like what?" Max questions and Sam scrunches her face for a split second before her faces settles into her mask.

"What do you think?" She raises an eyebrow, but it still doesn't come to either of them. "Heat" she grits out through her teeth and Alec feels his eyebrows lift towards his hairline.

"All that time together and you haven't had your heat with him?" He asks because it just doesn't add up.

"I was on a long term mission, Manticore had provided me with a good supply of heat suppression pills. It wouldn't do for their little soldier to go sex crazy."

"And you ran out" Max finishes the unsaid, which causes Sam to sigh.

"Yeah" She breathes out and for a second Alec thinks she may cry, and he starts to get antsy to leave, but she clears her throat and no tears fall. "He couldn't handle it." She gave a sad lift of her lips, "I think it scared him. After my heat was over, he suddenly started asking me if maybe I should be with my own kind. If I would be more comfortable with my sister." She gave Max a look and snorted. "At first I tried to assure him that it was fine, but then I started to realize that he wasn't asking for me." She paused and Alec didn't dare shift despite his ass falling asleep.

Watching a woman bare her soul was a weird and tense experience and he felt that moving would break the sudden atmosphere that had fallen over the three of them.

"What made you finally leave?" Max finally asking the question that was burning through Alec's brain.

"He went to get a divorce." She lifted her lips, "but I'm not a citizen, I have no rights. Our marriage wasn't legal or at least that was what his lawyer told him"

"He told someone what you are?" Alec asked and her eyes moved to him. He saw the hurt reflected in them easily which let him know exactly how much she was actually hurting.

He wonders if that was how Max's eyes looked when she saw Joshua's body.

"Yeah, I had to run. His lawyer had called some people, let them know who and what I am. I grabbed what I could and left. Didn't even get to say goodbye to my... his son." Her fingers twitched and he wonders if she was itching for a cigarette or a weapon. "Is the interrogation done or do I have to continue telling you both my deepest darkest secrets?"


End file.
